Author Topic: The religion of Donkey Kong 3  (Read 1392 times)

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Offline homerwannabee

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The religion of Donkey Kong 3
« on: June 23, 2017, 06:46:10 AM »
In a pathetically desperate attempt to get more people to play Donkey Kong 3 in order to stoke my fragile ego I have created the religion of Donkey Kong 3.  What's great is this religion does not replace any religion or belief system.   So if you are Christian you can remain Christian, or if you are Hindu you can remain Hindu.  Heck, even if you are Atheist this religion will work for you.

So you may ask, how does this fantastically awesome religion work?  Simple, the higher the score in Donkey Kong 3, the higher the rewards you'll get when you reach the here after.  So let me explain it religion by religion.

Christian:  You'll get a front row seat at the thrown of God the higher the score you get.  If you are in 15th place, you'll be the 15th closest.  And so on, and so on.

Buddhist:  The higher score you get the faster the track you'll get to Nirvana

Scientology:  The Billion year contract gets cut dramatically.  Now you only have to pledge your servitude for 1,000 years if you make the top 10.

Extremist Muslim Terrorist:  Top 100 score will get you 72 Virgin brides.  No need to blow yourself up.

80s Heavy Metal believing Satanist: The higher the ranking the more slaves you'll get to boss around in hell.

Unitarian:  I have no clue what on earth you believe, but hey you'll be greatly rewarded in the afterlife if you believe in such a thing.

Wiccan:  You'll be rewarded with the most awesome magical powers in the here and now.  In some parallel universe your magical spells are having a super powerful effect on a version of yourself, and others that you cast your white magic spells on.

But you say, what if I'm Atheist?  How on earth does this help me?  I mean I believe the lights go out when you die, and that's it.  So how on earth does this help me?  Well one day aliens from a distant galaxy will come.  And they will bring back to life all the great Donkey Kong 3 players of our time.  You make the top 1,000, and you'll get brought back to life by the Aliens, and they'll be giving great rewards for your valuer in Donkey Kong 3.



If you are offended by this, please don't kill me.
"Perception forged in delusion and refined by pain"

-Ross Benzinger

"It's like we are able to play beautiful music out there, but no one can hear the instruments"

-Leon Shepard
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Offline timhett

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Re: The religion of Donkey Kong 3
« Reply #1 on: June 23, 2017, 07:13:23 AM »
Sir, I'm very offended.  Once again the only true religion on the planet is neglected by an infidel.  Where's my Pastafarian paradise?  Where is my hovering cloud of life giving pasta?  Where are the eyestalks, the noodly appendages?  BibleThump
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Offline WCopeland

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Re: The religion of Donkey Kong 3
« Reply #2 on: June 23, 2017, 08:04:32 AM »
goodness gracious
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Offline Adam_Mon

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Re: The religion of Donkey Kong 3
« Reply #3 on: June 23, 2017, 08:15:34 AM »
Well one day aliens from a distant galaxy will come.  And they will bring back to life all the great Donkey Kong 3 players of our time. 


Offline marky_d

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Re: The religion of Donkey Kong 3
« Reply #4 on: June 23, 2017, 09:40:19 AM »
 <confused>
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Offline johnbart

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Re: The religion of Donkey Kong 3
« Reply #5 on: June 23, 2017, 10:18:58 AM »
I used to be somewhat turned off by the seemingly endless posts about DK3 that George can come up with but I've reached the point of now being entertained as we've seemingly crossed the boundary between crazy and absurd.

Keep it up George!
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Offline QAOP Spaceman

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Re: The religion of Donkey Kong 3
« Reply #6 on: June 24, 2017, 12:59:42 AM »
Jammvyy: sue . its pulicly icarest

Jammvyy: incareat
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Offline Xermon54

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Re: The religion of Donkey Kong 3
« Reply #7 on: June 24, 2017, 03:14:29 AM »
I also used to post too much stuff about Donkey Kong before I met my girlfriend.

I think George needs to get laid. Can we make a kickstarter for that?  <Allen>
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Offline homerwannabee

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Re: The religion of Donkey Kong 3
« Reply #8 on: June 24, 2017, 07:28:24 AM »
I also used to post too much stuff about Donkey Kong before I met my girlfriend.

I think George needs to get laid. Can we make a kickstarter for that?  <Allen>
Most people would probably take offense to this.  Fortunately for you I'm not most people.  8)

Your statement has a ring of truth, but is only the tip of the iceberg.

Let me be clear.  If I had found the woman of my dreams when I was in my mid 20s, got married, and had kids I would have never got involved with competitive classic video gaming.  Steve Wagner, Dwayne Richard, or Ben Falls would be the World Record holder in Donkey Kong 3.

I basically chose my path because my dream of having a middle class 9 to 5 job, living in the suburbs with the white picket fence, a wife, and two or three kids came crashing down into a thousand pieces over the course of a couple of decades.

You see, people live on through their family, and kids.  What you teach your kids gets taught to their kids, and so on, and so on.  In this way we last a lot longer then our time on earth.

Well then, if the family or kids thing doesn't work, you have to find another way to impact society on some level if you are inclined to do so.  And that can be through a myriad of different ways.  Make a song, joke, painting, book, poem, math formula, invention, or whatever that will last year, after year, generation after generation.

I tried my hand in most of these fields, and found I simply do not have the talent to make a lasting impression on society.

Then I found that with certain classic video games I had the ability to grind away for hours upon hours upon hours upon hours upon hours upon hours for months, and months at a time.   I also had the fortune of the fact that most of these classic video games didn't have a huge competition like most modern day games have.  So I could actually succeed with these timeless games that will be played for a very long time.

By hook or crook I basically want to remembered in a positive way after I die.  Yes, I get that only five or so people will even see a score or a video of me a thousand years from now.  It doesn't matter.  Even if it's only five people, and even if four of those five people are descendants of my nieces and nephews I will have made an impact of some sort long after my animation leaves this spinning ball of blue, green, and brown.

Yes, I realize that this way of thinking is found to be either pathetic or crazy by a vast majority of the population, but like I said, I'm not most people.
"Perception forged in delusion and refined by pain"

-Ross Benzinger

"It's like we are able to play beautiful music out there, but no one can hear the instruments"

-Leon Shepard
DK3 World Record Holder DK Jr. Killscreener DKF Blogger Crazy Kong Killscreener Twitch TV  Streamer DK3 Repetitive Blue Screen

Boognish

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Re: The religion of Donkey Kong 3
« Reply #9 on: June 24, 2017, 08:39:56 AM »

Offline homerwannabee

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Re: The religion of Donkey Kong 3
« Reply #10 on: June 24, 2017, 09:02:49 AM »



Of course the underlining message Boognish is trying to make is that the whole thing is a hobby, and meant to played for casual fun.  Anyone who takes this hobby for more than that should be taken as seriously as this gorilla picture.  I understand that mindset, but the whole, "Get a life" mentality that he's trying to present is harder for some people in our society.  I would have, "gotten a life" if I could have.  It just didn't work out.
"Perception forged in delusion and refined by pain"

-Ross Benzinger

"It's like we are able to play beautiful music out there, but no one can hear the instruments"

-Leon Shepard
DK3 World Record Holder DK Jr. Killscreener DKF Blogger Crazy Kong Killscreener Twitch TV  Streamer DK3 Repetitive Blue Screen

Boognish

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Re: The religion of Donkey Kong 3
« Reply #11 on: June 24, 2017, 09:41:10 AM »


Of course the underlining message Boognish is trying to make is that

the game is about a gorilla in a greenhouse

Offline homerwannabee

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Re: The religion of Donkey Kong 3
« Reply #12 on: June 24, 2017, 09:42:19 AM »


Of course the underlining message Boognish is trying to make is that

the game is about a gorilla in a greenhouse
LOL, I'm a freaking idiot.
ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL
"Perception forged in delusion and refined by pain"

-Ross Benzinger

"It's like we are able to play beautiful music out there, but no one can hear the instruments"

-Leon Shepard
DK3 World Record Holder DK Jr. Killscreener DKF Blogger Crazy Kong Killscreener Twitch TV  Streamer DK3 Repetitive Blue Screen

Boognish

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Re: The religion of Donkey Kong 3
« Reply #13 on: June 24, 2017, 10:07:20 AM »


Of course the underlining message Boognish is trying to make is that


the game is about a gorilla in a greenhouse

LOL, I'm a freaking idiot.


its a nice greenhouse with multi level hydroponic farm
 & it seems that hes growing those big mouth flowers that kill Mario on SMB

« Last Edit: June 24, 2017, 03:53:19 PM by Boognish »